How I ended up with the Garter:

This is a tale of deceit. While you're at it, throw in some backstabbing, trickery and betrayal. Yes. It's that bad. A few weeks ago, I was in Houston for Kimberly and Wes's wedding having a good ol' time near the dance floor. All of a sudden, everybody scatters away from me like I had just farted (for the record, I had not farted). "What's going on?" I thought. "Was it something I said?". Nope. "Am I going to explode?". Unfortunately, it was far worse. It was the dreaded Garter Toss and I was the only participant (cue the horror-movie music). I scanned the crowd, hoping to guilt trip another single dude to join me. Apparently, no guilt trip would be strong enough for the task as it took an "Et tu, Brute?" moment with Bollich for me to realize that I was going to have to tough this one out on my own.

They say girls dream and obsess every day about their wedding. Well, my theory is that, in this opposite-and-equal-reaction world that we live in, the flip-side is guys have nightmares about the Garter Toss for their entire lives. Maybe into the after-life? I don't know. I wouldn't bet against it. I'm sure lives have been ruined because of it or even wars fought due to this horrible event.

Luckily, my life has not been ruined. And I will spare a principality or two by not going to war. In the end, I would like to share that it was not as bad as you would think. In fact, I got to take a picture with the lovely couple and will forever be immortalized in their wedding album. They'll probably tell stories about me to their grandchildren and how I beat up 10 other gladiators who were all twice my size (or was it two other gladiators at 10-times my size?) to obtain that garter.

Alas, my friends! I will spare you the pain of having to read words any further! Jonathan with Garter!

(note the clean-shaven, mustache-less face)